Friday, June 11, 2010

World Cup? I'll Pass...Since That Is All They Do Anyway

All signs are pointing to this being the end. Yes it has in fact been 4 years already and unfortunately that means that the World Cup of Soccer is now at hand, silly FIFA. Now there is some saving grace that the games are during the morning hours so I shouldn’t accidental trip over a broadcast but that doesn’t save me from the ‘highlights’ on shows like SportsCenter. Even the local sports radio station, the Team 1200 is bending over for this event. Not only are they bringing in the Team 990 soccer guy in the mornings, Noel Butler (who’s show by the way is called Oranges at Halftime..brutal), They are having a former employee call in the afternoon show to talk footy, they are picking up the ESPN soccer wrap up show in the evenings as well. Then there is the regular ‘new’ show called ‘Corner Kicks’ on Thursdays. This is just not cool. You can hardly get baseball coverage on the ‘all sports format’ but your airways are polluted with this garbage, where is the justice.

The only thing worse then watching soccer is listening to people talk about soccer. I understand the interests as it related to kids, it is inexpensive and is good exercise TO PLAY. To follow as a competition, no thanks. Even to gamble on it is not fun, half the time the games look not to be on the up and up and with the probability of a nil-nil draw on the pitch so high one never sees the offensive explosion of a 2-1 game happening, those bastards come out of nowhere!

Here is the soccer breakdown for this month long margarine known as the World Cup in 3...2...1

‘Blake kicks the ball with high hopes that it will enter the goal, but it does not.’

I know we promised you soccer highlights, so let me just tell you that England beat USA one-nothing, Ivory Coast beat South Africa one-nothing, Uruguay beat South Korea one-nothing, and Italy beat Brazil 2-1 in an offensive slug fest. A modest proposal - make the nets bigger.

A tip of the cap to the character Dan Rydell for the inspiration and partial quotes as it relates to soccer.

Remember here at I’ll bring you the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat, and because we’ve got soccer highlights, the sheer pointlessness of a zero-zero tie.

1 comment:

Tom said...

Best way to get more offence in soccer? Go down to 10 men on a field and allow offsides. Done and done.